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3.19.2007I'm a QuitterNOTE: Press play before you start reading. Thank you. A month or two ago, I decided I didn't have enough time for politics. I spent many sleepless nights considering the options for the Twisted Jim for President campaign. Should I pull out? Should I stay in? Then I realized I was thinking about sex, not politics at all. It was a very confusing time. More recently, I've been feeling sorry for the President. I remembered times when my parents would say, "sometimes you're guilty by association." I always hated when they said that. I felt like they were saying my friends were corrupt bums... and they were (on both counts). I think this may be George's problem. He hangs out with Satan (Karl Rove to his friends) and expects not to get burned every now and again. The most amazing part is, we nearly impeached our last President for getting a blow job in the White House and lying about it because the girl wasn't attractive (if that's a crime, 97.2% of men are guilty). But King George and Satan have gotten away with slaughtering thousands of young Americans in the Middle East, lying repeatedly to the American public, firing U.S. attorneys for no other reason than they disagreed with them, endangering our intelligence community by leaking the identity of undercover agents, and essentially running a corrupt, mafia-style government that the Corleone's or Soprano's would envy. And what happens to these treasonous men, these men that have betrayed the United States and everything it stands for? Nothing. They get to continue fucking up this country while we bend over and take it. My slogan, "It couldn't get any worse," started as a joke. But instead of getting fed up with the Paris Hilton mentality of our elected officials, as a country we have embraced it. Some of us have backed this dying elephant so long we don't know what else to do, and others of us are just trying to shake the eight-year jackass image. That's why today I realize that it can, and most likely will, get much worse. For this reason, I am pulling out of the 2008 race for the Presidency of the United States of America. I appreciate all the support everyone's given over the past year or so since I announced my bid. It has been amazing. Since none of you donated any money, I don't feel that bad. But I want you all to know that I will continue my fight for a better country, for a day when I can say without reservation, "It couldn't get any worse!" Goodnight, and God Bless America!
posted by Jim at 11:31 PM
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