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8.29.2007Alien Abortion: The Aftermath
 The alien has been ripped from my body and I am at home recovering. I really appreciate all the sympathetic emails I have been receiving. You really know how to make a guy feel loved after making the hard decision to part with his alien baby. I'll admit it has been tough.WARNING: I am about to describe some pretty graphic details of my ordeal. If you are in the least bit squeamish, STOP READING HERE! The procedure was something I hope I never have to endure again. I was under local anesthetic. So, I could hear this awful cutting sound as they removed what Twisted Wife and I are referring to as "Lumpy." Halfway through the procedure the doctor stopped calling it a Lipoma and told me it was a cyst. I still believe it was an alien. My proof came shortly before he made the final cuts to release it from my body when he made the comment that he had never seen a cyst this size, it was roughly the size of a tennis ball. His nurse didn't help. She called it an alien on at least two occasions. Unfortunately for them, they did not follow regular government conspiracy procedure and allowed me to take pictures of the alien fetus. WARNING: The picture of the alien fetus is really, really gross. TW said it was in poor taste to put it up for everyone to see, but I feel the public has the right to see what the aliens are implanting in our bodies. Please, if you have a weak stomach, DO NOT VIEW THE PICTURE! YOU CANNOT UNSEE THIS IMAGE! All in all, I have learned something from this experience. If you find a lump on your body, get it checked out and removed before it gets to the size of a tennis ball. The pain involved in having something this size cut out of your back can only be described as excruciating. I can't sleep and everything from my shoulders to my ass is sore.
posted by Jim at 11:31 PM
3 Comments: said...
eeeekkkkk!  Jim said...
Hey. I don't look that bad in the hospital gown. said...
I think that that is a cyst, what an idiot thinking its an alien egg, cut it open and see if your that sure, god i don't see why you should make this fuss over a cyst! |
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