9.26.2007

What I Didn't Get for my Birthday

Although I have threatened to sell my kids on eBay, I can't imagine actually doing it. Unfotunately, there are few parents out there dying to make a few thousand off their daughters under the guise of arranged marriages. Only on the Internet, kids, will you find Marry Our Daughter. If she's not old enough to take her chances on The Bachelor or slutty enough to be on Rock of Love, then set a price and sell her to the first Internet predator willing to fork over the cash.

I can hardly wait for this to become the norm for all children, boys or girls. Then, I will know what my kids are really worth and I can threaten them accordingly. "Twisted Son," I'd say, "mow the lawn or I'll sell you to that used-up, 45 year-old, deformed ex-prostitute for $1,000 on buymykidandmakethemyoursexslave.com."

posted by Jim at 6:52 PM