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1.23.2008Still Not Father of the Year... butWhen Twisted Daughter came on the scene four years ago, I can't say that I was ready to be a father. Don't get me wrong, I was prepared to learn but I don't think anyone is ever truly ready for what parenthood entails. I was 30 and I thought I should have a better handle on it than most. I found out pretty quick that wasn't the case. Now that Twisted Son has joined the fray, my comfort level with being a father has increased. But, by no means, do I feel like I'm 100% Dad. No matter what anyone says, I'm convinced all dads start out with doubts. The first and foremost being, "Will I be a good father?" Many times you end up comparing yourself to your own father, but sometimes you find out just what kind of a father you are all on your own. I was in an all-day meeting in Chicago last week. See that's what Internet marketers do... well, some anyway. They sit down with their clients for a day's worth of meetings to ensure that there are no questions about how you will spend 2008. For me, it's ownership of the retention program, which we all know is always the step-child marketing program. When you toss in the fact that I work on the Internet elements of the retention program... well, let's just say I am the 13th child in a 20-child family. Fortunately, I love Relationship Marketing and helping clients find new ways to retain that 20% of customers that bring in 80% of their revenue. Yes, I said that with a straight face. So, I'm sitting in the meeting and my cell phone starts ringing... er, vibrating. Prior to the meeting I remembered to turn off my Oh, Sherry ringtone. Although it rocks and generally makes everyone in the room laugh, I am of the belief that allowing your cell phone to ring while meeting with clients is extremely unprofessional. I assumed the call was from Twisted Wife, but she knew I wouldn't be able to answer. So, I let it go to voicemail. I figured I'd listen during a break and call TW if it was urgent. But the phone kept vibrating. The second vibrate was just the call going to voicemail. So, I sat there completely unphased. The third vibrate caught me off guard. It came ten minutes after the second. I thought, "Okay, we'll be taking a break soon, it can't be that important." Ten minutes later, a fourth vibration. "She's just leaving a second message. She needs an answer to some crazy question. She can wait." Ten minutes later, a fifth vibration. "What the Hell, woman! I'm in a meeting!" Ten minutes later, a sixth vibration. And so it went for the next hour and a half, every ten minutes the phone would vibrate. At the sixth vibration, my anger gave way to worry. What if something had happened to one of our Twisted Parents. Who was most likely to be sick? TW's Grandpa was first on the list, then Twisted Dad followed by Twisted Mother In-Law. Sorry folks, that's how you rank in health in my mind. Regardless, my mind was racing thinking of whether or not to excuse myself or just wait until the break... and the damn phone kept vibrating! My worry quickly jumped to the worst-case option. Something's happened to the Twisted Kids. I was convinced there was a lot of blood and TW was freaking out. With each vibration I would shift in my seat and I would look across the table at my boss. By the eighth ring, one of the kids was dead. My imagination was telling me to excuse myself while my common sense kept me strapped in my chair. The phone kept vibrating! By the ninth vibration, I knew my entire family had been long dead, and as soon as I could take a break I would be getting the devastating news. My stomach started to twist and my chest got tight. I looked around the table and realized no one there was going to help me. Finally, the door to the conference room opened and the catering cart came rolling in. I was up and headed to the door before my client could say, "Let's" in "Let's take a break," or "Let's get some lunch," or whatever she was going to say. As soon as I was in the hallway, I had my phone out and was feverishly fumbling for the voicemail button. I knew I was about to receive the most horrible news. "Mr. Dayton, your son/daughter/father/mother in-law/grandfather is..." I took a quick glance at the screen and immediately stopped dead in my tracks. 1 Voicemail Message I was about to laugh but I thought I might throw up if I did. I couldn't cry because I was about to explode. I wanted to throw the phone down the hall... but instead, I listened. "Yo Sean. Man, I am totally hung over. I still have the keys and I'm not going to make it today, you know what I'm saying. I got the kids and I feel like shit." I could hear the kids in the background. "I'll see you tomorrow, but you ain't gonna be able to get in tonight." Beep. I hope I never meet Sean or his friend.
posted by Jim at 11:19 PM
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