3.26.2008

The First Comic Strip That Doesn't Suck

Okay, I know I'm late to the game and there are many comic strips that don't suck. But garfield minus garfield is one of the funniest things I've seen in a while. I would put this up just under Metalocalypse and The Boondocks. Enjoy!

posted by Jim at 11:47 PM | Comments (0)

3.25.2008

My Name is Jim... I'm an Internet Addict

Hi Jim! I am so going to get disability on this one. There's a growing movement to add Internet Addiction to psychiatry's official guidebook of mental disorders. Finally, doctors who understand me will be able to prescribe drugs to cure me. The best part is I won't have to fake being a sex addict anymore. I really thought that one would move faster and get me to "disabled" status more quickly. Nope. I think this Internet Addiciton-thing is going to be the ticket. I'm so excited, I think I'll Twitter.

posted by Jim at 11:37 PM | Comments (2)

3.24.2008

Old Men Scrambling for Loose Change

What do Billy Bragg, Paul McGuinness and Metallica have in common? They've all made a lot of money the old fashioned way... in the music business. Much like the fat and lazy music industry execs, these boys are pissed because the business model they've followed for their entire careers is falling apart thanks to technological innovation and they have no idea how to catch up. Welcome to the 21st century, gents!

So, instead of adapting to the shift in paradigm, these poor dinosaurs are bitching, moaning and blaming everyone in sight for their lack of business acumen. You heard me, these men that have made multi-million dollar careers in one of the most difficult and complex industries in existence cannot figure out how to make money on the Internet. Are they serious? I know all of these men employ marketing firms. U2, Billy Bragg, Metallica, they all have websites. Hmm, maybe they just haven't figured out that they have a marketable product. Wait a minute! Do they have a marketable product?

Let's face it. In the 21st century recorded music is no longer the product... the band is. The initial business model of the music industry was to use the recorded music as a promotional tool to get people to come to the shows. And any band worth a shit knows the shows are where the big, BIG money is made. I'm surprised that bands like Metallica haven't come out with their own music servers that pump free music directly into your iPods every time you plug it into charge (along with little ads for the shows in your area). Look, U2 had enough forethought to get their own iPod, but they want to blame the ISPs when people download their music for free. It makes no sense. They're blaming their fans when they half-assed their own marketing plan. And Billy, you've always been a cult sensation, inventive, innovative. But now you've decided to add lazy bitch to that list.

It's a shame that musicians are losing money due to an outdated business model. I firmly believe musicians deserve every penny they earn from their artistic endeavors. The unfortunate reality is they no longer want to earn their money. If you leave your music in the hands of record executives, you deserve to lose everything. True tycoons find new revenue streams and the Internet is completely uncharted territory. It's also the biggest and fastest distribution chain ever created. You'd think men that have made multi-million dollar careers in music would be up to the challenge.

posted by Jim at 6:31 PM | Comments (0)

3.23.2008

Out Damned Spot Part VII

With over 4,000 Americans dead, I saw an NBC news repport that quoted Dick (I'm as evil as Karl Rove) Cheney as saying King Georgie "bears the burden of this war more than anyone." Really! Really, Dick? If that's the case, maybe he should be a true Commander and Chief and stand on the front lines with the troops he so nonchalantly kills every day. Then, he may truly understand the burden of his war. It's insane that one man with so little sense is allowed to slaughter so many. And we continue to sit idly by (me included). Thanks for the tax incentive, though. It really pacifies me.

And now, the numbers:

American Casualties - 8,647
In Iraq (Military) - 4,001
In Iraq (Civilians) - 1,188
In Afghanistan (Military) - 484
During 9/11 - 2,974

Coalition Casualties - 307
Australia - 2
UK - 175
Bulgaria - 13
Czech - 1
Denmark - 7
Netherlands - 2
Estonia - 2
Fiji - 1
Hungary - 1
Italy - 33
Kazakhstan - 1
Korea - 1
Latvia - 3
Poland - 22
Romania - 3
El Salvador - 5
Slovakia - 4
Spain - 11
Thailand - 2
Ukraine - 18

Iraqi Casualties - 1,193,480

Twisted Wife thinks these numbers are inflated to get me more fired up about an unjust and treasonous war started by an inept President. She's probably right.

I said it before, I support the troops. I'd like to see a whole lot less of them coming home in body bags.

posted by Jim at 11:28 PM | Comments (0)

3.20.2008

March Madness

It is March... and I am mad.

(Ha, look micro-blogging. You know, it's all the rage... with Twitter and Facebook status. It is, after all, the future of blogging. Crap... and I obviously can't do it.)

posted by Jim at 11:25 PM | Comments (2)

3.16.2008

Worth the Journey

Last night it was decided that everyone is a Journey fan. Some will say they like Journey others will say they hate Journey, but all of them own Journey's Greatest Hits. C'mon, you own it... you do own it... right?

Stone in Love at Record Bar
Good thing all Kansas City's Journey fans showed up at Record Bar on Saturday night when a rare union of some of the area's top musicians blessed us with Stone in Love, a tribute to Journey. It was one of those shows where everyone got drunk, reminisced and went home to pull out their Journey collection. I know I did two out of the three.

Thankfully, I didn't need the alcohol. Despite the half-assed attempt to recreate the look, Stone in Love was dead on. They played the hits. Even from Raised on Radio, which, no matter how much Steve Perry (aka JD Warnock) protested it was an amazing album, was the lackluster step-child album from the Journey catalog. The night started with the band's namesake and progressed through the prom favorites, Faithfully and Open Arms, and ended with the apt closer Don't Stop Believin'. And it didn't matter if you were alive to remember the shitty mullets, moustaches, and spandex-tuxedo t-shirt ensembles of the 70's and 80's, Stone in Love rocked everyone in the room.

Unfortunately, there is only one more scheduled show so far... April 19th in Lawrence. Yes, I'm there.

posted by Jim at 10:05 AM | Comments (0)

3.12.2008

The Ghosts Inside Davey's Uptown

There are very few people I listen to when it comes to music. I am a complete snob. What goes in my ears has to be something special, not your run-of-the-mill radio schlock. In my formative years, Twisted Sister (not the band, my sister) was my main musical influence. She is four years older and like most older siblings she would turn up her stereo so the whole family was forced to listen to her collection, Elvis Costello, The Police, Adam Ant, The English Beat, Cheap Trick, Queen and so on. Then, I started playing guitar and immediately Twisted Sister was out and other musicians were in. I listened to anything and everything that anyone who ever picked up an instrument recommended. Didn't matter if you played oboe in the elementary school orchestra, I would listen to your favorite album. In college, I worked at the local rock club and had 24/7 access to live music. If it wasn't new or the best show I'd ever seen, I didn't mention it around my co-workers because they would give me the musical beat down if I was listening to something unworthy of their critical acclaim. This is where the snobbery began. Now, there are only a handful of people who can recommend a band that I might listen to. Twisted Wife, Scott, Dave, Tyson, Mark, Andy Bob, Porch and David Fricke of Rolling Stone. So, I was surprised when I took the advice of Steve from The Sneeze and started listening to Cloud Cult. Turns out, I can confidently add Steve to my list. However, I'm a bit jealous that Cloud Cult did Steve's theme song. (Yes, that is a hint to my musical friends.)

Cloud Cult: Davey's Uptown Ramblers Club
The shitty thing about Monday night shows is that Mondays generally suck. I just came off a good weekend and spent a whole day trying not to be pissed that I had to go to work all day. Then, I come home to Twisted Wife at wit's end because the Twisted Kids had decided to play Let's Scream at the Top of Our Lungs and Run in Circles all day. It's a great game and Twisted Son was in the lead when TW'd started to lose it. Needless to say, I wasn't really in the mood for a rock show. But Twisted Mother In-Law had agreed to take the kids for the night and I wasn't about to pass on that opportunity. So, TW and I packed them up and took them to their grandmother... as fast as possible.

As some of you know, TW and I have a track record of going to dinner and missing shows. After an exhilarating culinary experience at Willie Nelson's Texas Roadhouse (aka The IRS Steakhouse), we headed to Davey's Uptown Ramblers Club. It is exactly as it sounds... a crappy little brick building with a couple of beer coolers and an ample stock of well liquors. It's a typical rock club, and I am a sucker for typical rock clubs. It's a place where you either become a career alcoholic or you leave when the lights come on.

We arrived way too early for the show. TW and I have discussed this at length and have come to the firm realization that this fact alone is what makes us officially old. Fortunately, we only had to wait a half hour or so for the first band to take the stage. Enter The Belated. This is the band of a local radio personality. They weren't the worst band I'd ever seen, but they were close. The music was a bad rip off of early Live. Yes, he should stick to being a radio personality because that's the closest he will get to rock star.

The second band actually woke TW and I up. Distance to Empty was an interesting mix of soul and disco. They pulled out all the stops and had a great set that included an amazing interpretive dance number accompanying their song 14 Hours. If you get the chance and are in Kansas City, I highly recommend seeing them when they open for Blind Melon on March 25th.

Again, age reared its ugly head and TW and I struggled to stay awake. By this time, I was making deals ("Once they play Million Things, we can go") and she was making threats ("This band better be good"). With seven members, instruments and two large canvases for the paintings they create during the set and sell afterward, it took Cloud Cult a while to get set up and ready to play. Finally, we were off. They quickly thanked the crowd for coming and started into an up-and-down set that made everyone in the room stay until the ride was over. Their music runs the gambit of emotions, at times hitting you like a train and at others hugging you like your grandmother. It is utterly brilliant.

The highlight of this show was knowing that I was seeing the next Arcade Fire or Polyphonic Spree play their hearts out in a small venue with 40 other people. It's one of those shows that I will talk about with my fellow music snobs as "if you aren't listening to this band, you're musically retarded." I also made a believer out of TW, and I got to buy their new CD before it is officially released. And although I lost sleep, it was worth every lost second.

posted by Jim at 11:25 PM | Comments (2)

3.02.2008

Leap Weekend

I hate leap year. Really, every four years we get an extra day in February... who cares? This year I took advantage of leap year starting on a Friday and took some much-needed vacation time. Twisted Wife and I made plans to go visit my parents in Northern Arkansas. I know what you're saying, "Twisted Jim is from Arkansas? Well, that explains his love of guns, chewing tobacco, Wal-Mart and jail bait." Slow down there, Sparky! I'm not from Arkansas. My parents just retired in the lush golfing community of Bella Vista. Every year we slink down there in February to celebrate Twisted Dad's birhtday. This year we haven't been able to go because Twisted Parents have purchased a new retirement home in Houston. That's a story for a different time. Twisted Mom is still really good at guilt trips. So, we packed up the Twisted Kids and headed out for Arkansas.

I know some of you have met the Twisted Kids and think they're all sweet. But, you have been fooled. The TK's are insane little zombies that suck the intelligence and patience from my brain and turn me into one of them, wandering the streets moaning, "brains, braaiiinnnsss!" To keep them sedated during the trip, we use a device called a DVD player coupled with Disney DVDs. Peter Pan and Meet the Robinsons worked the best for this trip, but the combination always changes and TW and I must always stay sharp to keep the little monsters under control.

With TK's fully immersed in Disney's hypnotic spell, TW and I drove to the white trash Mecca. As each mile sped from windsheild to rearview, I could feel my IQ declining. Halfway through the trip, TW said to me, "When we get there, do we need to stop and get something to drink?"

"Sure," I said, "But I don't want beer. You know, I haven't been drinking as much as I used to. Maybe I'll switch to hard liquor..." From there the conversation turned to a discussion of what my signature drink would be. It was decided that orange Vodka and Sprite would be my drink of choice.

HOLD IT RIGHT HERE! orange Vodka and Sprite? Yes, this a prime example of a WTF moment. There is an explanation coming.

"So, is there anything else we need at Wal-Mart?" I asked TW. (Wal-Mart being the liquor store of choice as you cross into Benton County, Arkansas.)

"Crap, I forgot Pull-Ups and wipes!"

At that moment, it struck me. "Are you telling me I am going into Wal-Mart to buy Pull-Ups, a travel container of wipes, orange-flavored Vodka and Sprite?"

The question made TW smile, "Yes."

I sat there for a moment letting it all sink in. I knew that when I went to Colorado it took some time to get used to the altitude, when I went to Europe it took time to understand the various languages, and when I went to New York it took time to get used to people being assholes. Until that moment, I honestly never realized how fast I could get used to being white trash when I went to the South.

I looked at TW, "I'm officially Britney Spears."

posted by Jim at 12:41 PM | Comments (1)