CE: Are you a historical figure?
JD: No. Nineteen.
CE: If you were to have lunch with Jesus Christ would
you feel that it was the most hypothetically cliché thing
you'd ever done?
JD: Yes. Eighteen.
CE: Have you ever been treated for severe depression?
JD: Treated?
CE: Are you going deaf?
JD: No. No. Sixteen.
CE: Do you own multiple albums by either Journey or
Styx, or in lieu of multiple albums either band's greatest hits?
JD: Yes. Fifteen.
CE: Do you have information regarding the mysterious
deaths of Bob Crane, Carl Switzer or Philip Marshall?
JD: No. No. No, he's not dead. Twelve.
CE: Twelve, that's only one question.
JD: Yes or no questions only.
CE: Shouldn't I still have fourteen questions left?
JD: No. Eleven.
CE: Are you an asshole?
JD: If that's a guess, you lose.
CE: It's a yes or no question.
JD: Yes. Ten.
NOTE: At this point I give up, yell
multiple obscenities, but am compelled to return to questioning
two hours later.
CE: Will you get me a cup of coffee?
JD: No. Nine.
CE: Are we still playing that stupid game?
JD: Yes. Eight.
CE: Have you ever had the urge to punch someone in
the mouth knowing full well that you'd get away with it but don't
because it's not polite?
JD: Yes. Seven.
CE: Do you feel bad for anything you've written?
JD: Yes. Six.
CE: Would you like to apologize to the people you've
hurt and offended?
JD: Hurt, yes. Offended, no. Four.
CE: Do you stay awake at night knowing that there is
no original thought left in the world but continue to wrack your
brain for a unique perspective on life?
JD: Yes. Three.
CE: Have you ever played this game by the rules?
JD: No. Two.
CE: Will you ever give up the torture of trying to
create something worthwhile, renounce all your creative friends
and focus your energy on maintaining the status quo?
JD: No. One.
CE: You're an idiot.
JD: You were so close. I'm a jackass. |
